Updated: Aug 28, 2020

I saw a photo of you the other day, almost unrecognisable.

The person I knew hides in memories I’m too scared to greet in my wakefulness.

So I see you in my dreams,

Playing out subconscious reunions of apologies never given and forgiveness never granted.

We yarn like old friends and laugh with our bellies.

Then sigh at the familiarity of each other’s presence.

You ask if I’m happy.

 I say yes and can see on your face you are too.

The past is no longer painful and regret is a word I’ve forgotten how to say.

But the truth is closure…

A door you slammed in my face when I told you I couldn’t grow any more in this relationship.

Ego had you in a chokehold

And you chose pride over love to save yourself the initial heartache.

Accountability was your kryptonite and silence was the only response I was given.

You became a ghost that wandered the halls of my mind.

I admit I am flawed.

You had to navigate oceans of my trauma with a hole in your vessel

Because society and our parents never taught us how to deal with depression.

I didn’t love myself, so my heart only knew possession

And how to use it as a weapon when I felt a loss of control.

I made mountains out of molehills and expected you to climb them.

Hoping you’d understand that

When you would ask me what is wrong a shrug meant I am not okay.

But retrospection is a beautiful thing

And the silence you left was filled with the most beautiful song

Of a young woman finding herself.

Rising like a Phoenix from the ashes.

Growth came with spring and the flowers of my gratitude bloomed in the sun.

You stopped walking down my hallways

And I knew reflection would come to you when you were ready.

Sorry need not be said and forgiveness need not be given

Only to ourselves

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